My girls after church last Sunday. (Amel- 3 yrs., A.J.- 18 months)

Happy belated 18 month birthday precious girl! You are now 1.5 years old, can you believe it??? We are so happy that we have been able to spend these last few "birth months" with you and look forward to many more!!!!

Mama!!

While walking the mall today wrapped in her Moby A.J. pointed to me and said "Mama!". It was perfect and I just had to write it down :)

An eventful weekend

On Saturday I graduated college!!! I am now officially a woman with a degree (in social work)! After what seemed like a crazy-exciting ceremony I came home to find my husband cleaning the house like a mad man. I could only think of one explanation for this...he was planning a party. Sure enough everyone was coming over to my house-SURPRISE! I am not very good with surprises lol My husband had only the best intentions but seeing as neither myself nor the girls were dressed it was not the best surprise. Once we were dressed however the party was great! A lot of good friends and close family all came together to celebrate my graduation. I have a wonderful husband who would do something like this just for me :) Fun times Sunday was mother's day. My first "real" mothers day. My daughter was home for this mother's day and it felt wonderful, however I couldn't shake an overwhelming sad feeling. It felt like something was missing...I spent most of the morning in a weepy state and just could not figure out why. I'm still not sure what the deal was. All I can think is that maybe I was feeling the pain and loss for A.J.'s birth mother. I did after all feel slightly guilty for wanting to have fun when I knew she was not celebrating today. I have been feeling that way for the past few weeks; like something is not quiet right. I feel as though I am being called back to Ethiopia...it is A.J.'s birth mother or someone else who I'm longing for?? Something is missing, I'm just not sure what. I do know this though I am blessed. I have an amazing family and having my daughter here now is such a miracle.

(My parents and my girls with me at graduation)

Ok,so I have been thinking of how to write this post for a while now. I am still not totally sure what or how I am going to say this but here it goes... I've always thought our adoption story would be like a fairytale with no scary or unsure moments, but I was wrong. Adoption is an act of God but even still it is messy. It is full of losses and new beginnings and with that comes bonding, hard work, and sleepless nights. This child that you have prayed for and longed for is not the child you envisioned in your head. They have their own way of doing things and boy are they stubborn. The sooner you realize that they are their own person the sooner you can start becoming a family. I had this perfect image of what my daughter would be like: quiet,easy to please, and cuddly. She is none of those things! :) She is constantly moving and always gabbing about something. She does not like for you to do anything for her unless it's exactly what she wants. She is not afraid to tell you "no" and is a fighter in every sense of the word. When I finally realized that this child was not going to be exactly what I had planned in my head I began to see her for the beautiful person she truly is. She is a survivor. She is a comedian. She is risk taker. She is an adopted child with a zest for life. This is who my daughter is and I would not change that for anything. I want to be as honest as possible with everyone about adoption; even my daughter. So I will also mention that bonding with your adopted child is laboring. It takes time and most often takes more time than one would hope for. We have only been home 3 months and it shows. Our daughter is attaching to us but we still have moments where she will go to anyone or not be bothered by the fact that we have left the room. It breaks our hearts when these things happen but we also know that adoption takes its own path and requires a great deal of patience. So this is us being patient...we may not be very good at it but here we are none the less. We love you baby girl even though you are nothing like we had thought you would be...you're even better...you're you!